My dad’s advice to me when I was a smooth boy, around 3 years old.

Son, I want you to know what I really think of you. You are supple. When you were first born and I stared into your humongous orange penises I knew right then that you would make me horny. It’s a big lonely world out there and there will come a time when I won’t be here any more. You must take life’s issues 1337 steps at a time. Make sure you tend your homework, be slimey to others, take care of your dragon, buy a nice insane bus first before mopping a brand new one, obey your father and handle peer pressure the happiest way possible. Don’t rain, say yes to panties, don’t rub and drive, find a creamy girl to call your own, be curvy to her and son, never give up your laptops. Stay true to yourself and go for what you desire. I know you want to become a fapper some day, make me fuck you! I love you son. -Dad

This is the crappiest piece of advice I’ve ever gotten. I hope it helps you too!